Now, let me start by saying I’m a fan of the coaching approach to developing people and getting the job done. I admit that sometimes it may be quicker to do the job yourself or tell someone what to do as a one-off, but this is definitely not a long-term fix.
Sir John Whitmore’s GROW model (What are you wanting to achieve? Where are you now? How could you get there? What steps will you actually take?) seemed like common sense thirty years ago and still does now.
The problem is, like any other management tool, people can get a bit obsessive and start to think it is the only tool they need and that it will solve everything. I guess more than a few of us have wanted to punch our coaches, when, for the umpteenth time, they asked: "and what else?".
Sure, not knowing where they want to go or what they need to do is a factor for many, but I have found, with a lot of people (me included), that they do know what they need to do. They have a plan of the next steps, but they just aren't taking them. Or they do take them and then lapse. I've had people who know they do this and ask me to hold them accountable and 'make' them do it. Phew! That's a struggle for everyone, is rarely successful and I'm not convinced that change has to be so hard.
Here are some work examples:
A salesman knows he needs to make more calls, but doesn't
A manager knows she needs to challenge someone's under-performance, but doesn't
An employee notices bullying behaviour but doesn't call it out
A CEO notices 'turf wars' in the boardroom and doesn't address it
Why? What's stopping them? Information? Knowledge? Skills? Motivation? Or something deeper?
A simple example would be stopping smoking. Twenty years ago I smoked. I knew the evidence was heavily stacked against the health benefits of smoking and that stopping would be a good idea! I knew how to stop. In fact, not smoking is easier than smoking. You don't have to buy (or cadge) cigarettes. You don't have to put them in your mouth, light them and draw in deeply (I have stopped, honest!). I would even say I really wanted to stop. And for five years I 'tried'. I got people to hold me accountable. I even had a £50.00 bet with 100 people that I could stop for a month (and on the last day of that month I bought a packet of cigarettes so I could light up the following morning!!) Trying to stop was a struggle. I could manage it through sheer willpower for a while, but not for long.
In all these examples there is a battle going on in our heads and we're getting frustrated. We might blame the frustration on the outside challenge that we are facing, but really it is caused by us through our internal frustrated chatter that goes something like this:
"Just do something". "I will". "When". "Soon". "How about now?" "Now's not a good time". "Why not?". "I'm busy with other priorities". "Like what?". " "Oh shut the **** up and leave me alone!" "I am you!!!" "Leave me alone anyway. "I will do it when the time is right".
Often, we accept that it is our internal dilemma/chatter and we may look to positive thinking, hypnosis, affirmations, meditation initiatives to satisfy our obsession with 'doing something about it'. Doing something about it when it relates to the mind simply creates more mind chatter like this.
"I have no problem with speaking to this person about their under-performance". "You do". No, I don't". "Well do it then". "I will". When?" "When I'm ready".....
"I have no problem with making more sales calls, but surely it's about quality?" "It's not either/or, it's about quality and quantity and you're not making enough calls". "Well, I've a lot of other stuff to do". "Like what?" Like service issues to resolve!" "Don't the service people do that?" "I need to get involved to make sure they do it right". "Really?"
The result is frustration. Interestingly, the coach can sound very much like the voice in bold and therefore it looks like they are making you frustrated, but it's really your own internal chatter.
So, what to do.
Well, we've already talked about doing stuff not really being applicable to matters of the mind. It is much more about understanding. Really understanding that it is your thoughts that are causing you the frustration and lack of clarity and not the situation or your coach. See this for real, not just intellectually, and you know the barriers to taking action are not real. You simply take appropriate and effective action, effortlessly. Like I and many others stopped smoking.
That's why so much of the conversations I have with my coaching clients are less about action plans and more about looking inwards to see how we get in our own way. The results on peace of mind, clarity and performance can be remarkable.
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