" I suffer from Impostor Syndrome", he said
I could feel myself panicking, looking a
round his office, noticing the closed door. "Is it an air born virus? "Could I make a run for it" Would holding my breath help? Why did I mock people who walk around London with those surgery masks -
if only I had one now? Or maybe it's not air born? Could I discretely get my anti-bacterial hand gel out of my bag without causing offence? Do I even have any? How could I be so reckless? Have I got 'Being Reckless Syndrome?"
My mind quietened a little and I tentatively asked him what the symptoms were.
"I sometimes have doubts about my accomplishments and an internalised fear of being exposed as a "fraud". (he'd obviously done his research on Wikipedia).
"Gosh" I thought, "I do too. Oh no, I've got it already! Am I a carrier?"
Our experience of life is very real to us. We
create it ourselves and experience it as real. If we have an anxious thought about not being good enough, we will feel (experience a sensation) anxious about not being good enough. I think most, i
f not all, people have that experience every now and then. If I have an angry thought about a driver not thanking me as I pull over to let them through (a pet hate), then I feel angry thoughts towards that driver. I mean, I always thank other drivers (unless I am distracted, or in a hurry and don't notice or in a grumpy 'why should I, no one else does' mood....).
Our experience comes from our thinking, not what we seem to be thinking about. Some days I am empathetic towards the other driver, some days I don't notice, some days I get mad and gesticulate (occasionally prompting a friendly wave back, when they think they might know me!!!)
So what's the trick? There is none. Once we stop taking our thinking so seriously. Stop believing it to be THE reality, rather than just our own. Stop trying to change it and instead, just see it for what it is. Then the world becomes a much lighter, less frightening, more interesting and more fun place without us really having to do anything to change it.. ,
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