I am not always a great fan of models, but I use this one a lot with clients.
Clearly my goal as a coach is moving them into the top left-hand box where they can ‘crack on’ doing what needs to be done to succeed. Now, ongoing coaching and mentoring is an important part of helping them see what they need to do, so we can remove the bottom two boxes, but what do we do about the top right box. Why would a successful smart person not do what they know they need to do in order to succeed in their chosen path?
Here are some of the actions that we might avoid even though we know we ‘shouldn’t:
Asking our network for help when we are stuck
Asking for a contract
Asking for a meeting
Asking for referrals
Asking for testimonials
Asking for feedback on our proposal
The list goes on.
We may frame it as ‘I don’t know how to’, but that doesn’t really cut it. It’s like saying ‘I don’t know how to lose weight’ or ‘I don’t know how to stop smoking’. Of course, you do. Not smoking is easier than smoking. You don’t have to bother putting a cigarette in your mouth and lighting it. Not just easy, you don’t actually have to do anything!!
So, what does stop us? ...............The Stories we make up and believe to be true..
I’ll look ‘needy’
It’s not what we Brits do
They used to work FOR me, how do you think that makes me feel
I’ve never been ‘salesy’
What if they say no, what does that say about me?
What if they just ignore me or don’t reply
I shouldn’t have to peddle my wares like a street trader! Do you know who I am (or used to be!)?
All those actions that we avoid become easy and obvious, once we see that the reasons we are not taking them are because we are making up stories that we believe to be true. We may then start to experience something closer to reality:
The vast majority of people we know want to help us
When we ask for a contract (when the time is right) we sometimes get a yes and sometimes get a no.
When we ask for a meeting, we sometimes get a yes and sometimes get a no.
When we ask for referrals, we sometimes (usually) get a yes and sometimes get a no.
You get the picture.
Like any ‘game, we may want reflect on what happened and experiment with new approaches to improve our chances of getting yeses.
But let’s be clear. If we do get a no, it doesn’t say anything about our worth, ability, track record or future likelihood of success.
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